it’s a revolution

Sunday January 10, 2021 5:51 am You say you want a revolution? It’s a revolution alright. All I keep seeing and knowing again and again is to sit with it, be with the discomfort. Allow the anger and pain to arise and be with it, be in it. Above all, care for myself enough to recognize what’s happening for me, in me, around me and bring care and compassion to myself because this is how it is now. This is what’s happening. Turn to myself with kindness, feel into my own experience and meet myself there, meet my experience with love. However it is in this moment. (A note on pronouns: “I/me” could be “you” or “they/them” could be “we/us”. Use what works.)

Calligraphy from Thich Nhat Hanh. Text reads: peace in oneself peace in the world
Calligraphy from Thich Nhat Hanh. Text reads: peace in oneself peace in the world

can you allow it?

Check in with your self and recognize the qualities of your experience. How is it in your heart? How is it in your mind? What sensations are arising in your body? What thought forms are passing through in this moment? How is it right now? See how it is, be with how it is and generate some kindness and compassion for yourself. That’s the beginning. That’s the initiation point. Move from there. Sit in whatever is happening, allowing it, meeting it, naming it, recognizing it for what it actually is.

What is true right now: not what stories you’re hearing or telling yourself. Not your ideas or beliefs. Not what you think is happening, what’s ACTUALLY HAPPENING right now in the body, at the sense gates. What sensations. Is the body hot or cold, is the heart racing or is it steady and calm, how is the breathing? What are the qualities of the breath? Is the breath cycle long and deep or short, truncated, shallow. What’s it like to take a breath? Is it easy? Is it a challenge? How is your heart, the heart beat? Is it racing, pounding, is it steady? Notice. Notice these things. Recognize what is true.

Dharma is truth.

Idgaf what you THINK or what you BELIEVE. I don’t need you to agree with me. I’m asking you what’s happening right now. Only in the body. Only at the sense gates. What do you smell, what do you see? What’s above you, behind you, below you. Look at what’s happening within, internally. Attend to experience as it is. Not your stories, not what others have convinced you to believe, not what your parents or friends say or what you saw on the internet. Your own experience. See for yourself.

How is it for you right now in this moment? What are the tastes in your mouth? Does it taste like blood? Can you feel the sensation of the air on your skin? The texture of the ground or floor beneath your feet? The texture of clothing against the skin? Is it tight, restrictive, loose? Soft? Pinching somewhere? What are the sounds in your environment? Are there sirens like here? Is there yelling? Any pounding at the door? Are there mobs in the streets?

Are you sheltering in place, hiding under your desk like we’ve trained the children and senators to do? Maybe you can hear a gurgling stream or a peaceful fan whir, the wind in the trees nearby. Can you hear birdsong? Traffic rumble? Explosions? How is it for you right now? However it is, it’s a revolution. Revolution is turning, is change, is transformation. Impermanence makes sure that it’s a revolution in every single moment.

this very moment

Being where you are right now. Recognizing what’s happening, physically. Bring this attention, this awareness to your experience. What’s happening internally in the physical body, the emotional states, what’s the quality of mind? Distracted? Concentrated? Where is your focus? Are thoughts racing? You making some plans? Fantasizing about something better, different? How is it right now? This investigation leads to a cultivation of capacity, the strength to stay with what is, whatever it is.

In order that you may be able to sit still long enough to tolerate discomfort. You can tolerate uncertainty, you can tolerate hostility, fear, aggression. (Is there some reason you feel you should be immune to discomfort and uncertainty, always get your way? That could be interesting, look at that.) Build the capacity to sit with whatever arises. Joys and sorrows. Not only pain also pleasure, sublime states of joy. Anything that is possible, the whole range of experience is all right here. Can you be with it? Is it possible to you recognize it as it’s happening?

Perhaps you can allow it to unfold without trying to exert control or influence over the outcome? That’s a sticky question. Why would I want to do that gets into examining wtf you think an I is, which is a larger exploration. (Where I am, how I am, what I am, why I am, whereby I am: I am a reassuring illusion.) For now, maybe we can leave it at this idea of building tolerance, capacity.

Maybe it’s possible to accept that responding from anger hurts us and hurts others. Not only because responding from anger, responding unskillfully causes more harm than good. I’m not totally sure about this, just testing the idea out. But isn’t it always more skillful when responses come from a place of calm and self-care, self-compassion rather than reactivity? When we’ve allowed whatever is happening to happen, taken it all in, been able to receive it, see it, come to know it in some way before we engage with it.

Deeper investigation of the video of “Elizabeth” from “Knoxville, TN” (or is it Bowie, MD?), the one wearing a Trump flag as a cape. The one who stormed the capitol building the other day because “it’s a revolution!”– showed that she was rubbing her eyes with a sliced onion she held in that towel in her hand. Was she really maced? She gave a great performance. Lots of performances happening, lots of grifters, lots of emotion.

I’m not giving my power away to any of this. I’ll choose what I get worked up about, what gets my attention and what doesn’t. Of course, I am human, so I have my own reactions, but I also have choices about how I respond. When we move away from pure reactivity, we have more power, more agency. We’re not as tossed about by emotional reaction or habit patterns, we can begin to decide for ourselves. Use discernment to identify an appropriate response. Sometimes the appropriate response is to do nothing.

from reaction to response

I can’t believe I’m saying this!! I’m Mars ruled, Mercury in Aries. Believe when I tell you I can’t believe this. I like ACTION. I’m all for action: quick, direct, decisive action. Direct action gets the goods. I can’t keep my mouth shut most of the time, I truly can’t. Especially when I feel somebody’s doing wrong/being wronged. Anybody who knows me has seen. For me it’s like a volcano inside, I feel like I’m going to explode.

Perhaps I’m just saying this to say that I surprise myself hearing me preach temperance, but apparently I do now. (It is a revolution.) I’m not saying do nothing. I’m not saying don’t respond. I see a lot of buddhists out here will just close their eyes, sink into a meditative state and bypass. Not about that. Fuck that. That’s not what I’m saying at all. Don’t do that, that’s bullshit. We have ethical responsibilities, moral obligations and there are karmic consequences for folks who believe in karma.

May all beings be safe and protected from harm. May all beings be happy and peaceful–free from fear, anxiety and worry. May all beings be healthy and strong. May all beings live with joy and ease. May all beings be free. I am one of all beings, may I be safe and protected from harm. May I be happy and peaceful–free from fear, anxiety and worry. May I be healthy and strong. May I live with joy and ease.

May I be able to recognize and touch the seeds of joy and happiness in myself. May I learn to identify and see the sources of anger, craving, and delusion in myself. May I know how to nourish the seeds of joy in myself every day. May I be free from attachment and aversion, but not be indifferent. May we all know peace.

(some of these metta phrases are from Thich Nhat Hanh)

Nonviolent Civil Disobedience

Was feeling a bid judgey with that last post & all the conversations around what constitutes activism. I can cling very tightly to my own views. I’m grateful to be in community that allows me my struggles and supports my accountability and growth in the process. A friend shared a Dharma talk from Yanai Postelnik that helped me shift some of my thinking around the issue. “Love in the time of extinction” is available here on Dharma Seed.

I was feeling frustrated that what people call activism doesn’t seem like activism to me and that in these times stakes are high and more is necessary from all of us– more responsibility, more accountability, more action. That was my view. It might still be my view actually, but I can see now that what I consider effective action may not be possible or even desirable for everyone. We’re all coming from different places with different circumstances and different views.

I was lucky enough to attend another Civil Disobedience training yesterday with friends I respect and admire who’ve been at it for a minute (Seabrook, ACT UP) and really know the ropes. The training started by asking us to write down what we thought of when we thought of nonviolence. It was immediately evident how wildly different people’s perceptions of nonviolence are. Which brings up questions– what are we committing to when we commit to nonviolence, what are we assuming about others? Even when we use the same words and ostensibly share the same intentions, we may mean completely different things.

Operating within an essentially violent system, what is nonviolence? White supremacy is violence. “You don’t belong here,” and all forms of othering are violence. Weaponized bureaucracy is violence. Multiple mass shootings within a week is obviously violence. Ecocide is violence. Eating other animals is violence. When I advocate nonviolence, what am I calling for exactly? What do I expect of myself? Nonviolence as tactic in a larger strategy? Nonviolence as theory, philosophy, worldview? Acknowledging, importantly, that nonviolence doesn’t necessarily mean the absence of violence. Nonviolence can have a number of interpretations.

Indra's Net

Gene Sharp cataloged 198 methods of nonviolent action (all analog.) Reading through the list made my heart soar again and reminded me that there is a lot more that can be done under the umbrella of nonviolence than sign petitions, make calls, march, picket, lobby, occupy, teach-in, die-in, banner drop, boycott. Lots more.

I honor diversity of tactics and enjoyed brushing up on NVCD. AND I was also one of very few PoC in a mostly white room and very aware of the fact that how police bodies interact with black and brown bodies is very different from their interactions with white bodies. (The gentle handling by police of the latest white terrorist is just the most recent example.) So when it comes to risking arrest, I’m happy to let the allies do it. I’m not trying to go through the system because I already know that my experience would likely be very different. (Sandra Bland wasn’t released after a few hours.)

So what is nonviolence to me right now? My word was equanimity. Confronting unethical behavior, the unreasonable requests of those with institutional power, unjust systems– all the challenges we face now– with solidarity, compassion, recognizing our common humanity: that takes mad equanimity. I aspire to that. There’s flexibility in it, agility, responsiveness. Brick to window? Throwing our bodies upon the gears of the machine? Yes, absolutely if that’s what’s called for. Buddhists call this skillful means, upaya, in Sanskrit.

Accountability is what I keep coming back to. I need to be able to answer for myself, accept the consequences of my actions. Answer to my own conscience, to my ancestors, to future generations, to the people I live and work with, to my communities. I extend community to all who breathe, all who walk, roll, crawl or slither the earth, swim in the waters, fly through the air. We’re all one being, interconnected. Indra’s net. I choose nonviolence.

Dogen describes what I’m trying to get at better than I can:
“It is not only that there is water in the world, but there is a world in water. It is not just in water. There is also a world of sentient beings in clouds. There is a world of sentient beings in the air. There is a world of sentient beings in fire. There is a world of sentient beings on earth. There is a world of sentient beings in the phenomenal world.” (from Mountains & Rivers.)

Recognizing and honoring this interbeing and shifting the ways we are in relationship with each other (& with ourselves) is a practice of nonviolence. A practice of revolution.

“A non-violent revolution is not a program of seizure of power. It is a program of transformation of relationships, ending in a peaceful transfer of power.” –Gandhi, Non Violence in Peace and War

Community Care Day 1/18/19

Audre Lorde

Join me at The Audre Lorde Project’s Community Care Day at The People’s Forum 320 W. 37th St, New York, NY 10018 this Friday January 18th from 6-9 pm.

Event info from ALP:

Community Care Day is an evening event where we are inviting folks to join us in deepening our collective community care. We will build together by sharing food, getting to know each other and sharing care and healing strategies. 

Join the 3rd Space Program! We will be offering workshops that will teach you different ways to care for yourself and others, get some healing from our body and energy work practitioners and get some grub, community, laughter and love! 

Sharing space is healing, holding space for each other and having a place to go to where you can be your full self and uplifted is what we are creating – join us at Community Care Day – resilience happens through collective action, recognition and love. Come learn and share skills and resources, eat some food, make some art, and generate joy.

This is a time to be still, be loving, be cared for and caring. Resilience requires community Come to ALP’s Community Care Day! This event is by and for Lesbian, Gay Bisexual, Two Spirit, Trans and Gender Non-Conforming folks who are Black, Indigenous and People of Color. 

The 3rd Space Program is made up of community members who identify and are invested in sustainable care for our people that is centered in a deep, loving and radical sense of community, that moves away from the isolation and disposability that medical institutions and capitalism impose on us and instead uplifts and creates the strategies within us and from our lineage that have kept us thriving and resilient as black and indigenous, people of color, queer, trans and gender non-conforming folx.

shining a light

IMPEACH HIM, April 2018 action

Wonderful to see coverage of The Illuminator in The New Yorker today.

Paige Williams penned a brief account of recent Illuminator activities, “Guerilla Artists Protest Brett Kavanaugh With Light” in the October 15, 2018 issue.

I’m no longer an active member of the collective, but I’ve got a lot of love in my heart for the project. The new website looks fantastic!

What’s better for darkness than shining a light?

Occupy Wall Street Library

Occupy Wall Street Library image of books in Zuccotti Park, spread out on plastic sheeting with a placard announcing LIBRARY taped to the back wall.
occupy wall street library

Come on down to Liberty Plaza, we’ve got a library!

As (one of) the self-appointed librarian(s), I’m putting together a selected bibliography of what we’re reading during the revolution. Donations welcome–books, games, work in languages other than English. Join us.